Feminist-speak (known as “Feminese”) coded language translated into English. THIS is what they’re really saying. —>
Buzzfeed, which is a failing pile of garbage, recently published an article by Beatriz Serrano on “11 Simple Things Men Can Do For Feminism.” You see, even beta buck men who consider themselves to be “male feminists” can never satisfy the leftist social justice warrior appetite for victimhood, so here’s a list of the things they’re doing wrong too.
This list was written in coded language often used by adherents to the collectivist cult known as modern third wave feminism. It’s a special language I’ve dubbed, “Feminese.”
Normal people can’t understand this langauge, but I ran it through MTSE (Marxist Translator Snowflake Edition) to decipher the hidden message behind this splurge of incoherent word salad. This is what Serrano’s diatribe looks like translated into English.
1. Don’t be an activist in the streets and a sexist in the sheets.Jane_kelly / Getty Images
Okay, so you read “King Kong Theory” by Virginie Despentes and a bunch of Facebook statuses about feminism and you’re now convinced that feminism is your thing. Stop the car. The first thing you have to do is check yourself and figure out what kinds of macho behavior you’re spreading with women around you: Are you one of those guys who says that they “help” at home? Talk to your partner and start doing 50% of the house chores. Do you still give your dirty laundry to your mom because “it’s what she’s always done”? Dude, please. Are you a father? Congratulations! Do you take on 50% of the childcare responsibilities? Hmmm… better check that too. When a woman gets angry, do you assume it’s either because she’s on her period or because she needs to get laid? Go back to square one! And, hey, do you think you emotionally support your girlfriend/wife as much as she supports you?
Houses can’t be built starting with the roof. There always has to be a foundation upon which to build, and there’s nothing worse than being an activist in the streets and a sexist in the sheets.
Translation: You may have just worked a 12-hour shift to put food on the table for your family, but that isn’t enough. When you get home, I expect you to clean the dishes, wash your own clothes, make your own dinner and do everything I should have been doing while I watch the latest hit MTV show about white male patriarchal oppression.
YOU are MY servant. Oh, and I expect you to do all the traditional “male” housework too, like emptying the garbage and fixing anything that breaks in the house. You thought being a male feminist would be easy?
2. Listen.Cottidie / Getty Images
One of the main issues of sexism is that we have culturally silenced women, and given men full control of the microphone for far too long. The first step to supporting feminism is to listen to what women have to say about their own oppression. So get comfortable and listen up.
Translation: Women in America are victims of systemic oppression who have been silenced by evil rapist men bent on gaining a totalitarian stranglehold over Western society. If you want to support feminism you need to be quiet like a good beta boy and mindlessly regurgitate my Marxist talking points.
None of this counts for Muslims though. Muslims are the true feminists. (Seriously.)
3. Shut up.Valovalo / Getty Images
Would you tell an oncologist your opinions about cancer? It’s also not necessary for you to heroically decide to play the role of “devil’s advocate” in a subject that does not (what a coincidence!) affect you in the slightest. And please don’t interrupt us every five seconds to try to distinguish yourself from “other men.” Yes, we already know that not all men are like that, but if you care more about proving that you’re not like those other men than you do about truly listening to and understanding our thoughts and opinions on the matter… well then, you’re not much different from the rest anyway.
Translation: Your opinions are worthless to me. You’re supposed to be a supplicating beta male who allows me to metaphorically step all over you to appease my planet-sized ego. I don’t care if you’re “not like other men,” I already know you’re not. Unfortunately for you, I’m inherently sexually attracted to “other men” and I’m just using you to inflate my self-esteem.
Thanks for being a chump! By the way, you make a great purse holder. Do everything I say and maybe one day I’ll reward you with a half-hug.
4. Face your buddies.Dmitrymo / Getty Images
Right, so you’ve listened to a lot of women, you’ve begun to understand what this is all about, you’ve realized that everything’s shit, and now you have some suggestions to make about what women should do or say in certain situations. NOPE. WRONG.
Now’s the time to do the actual dirty work: face your colleagues. Yeah, that guy who constantly shares pics of naked girls in your group chat, the one who calls any woman above a size 4 “fat,” the one who makes a woman feel uncomfortable at the bar when she’s clearly having a good time with her friends, the one who says his boss “just needs to be fucked,” or the ones who make small (haha), very inoffensive (hehe) jokes (HA FREAKING HA) about assaulting women. NOPE!
Translation: I expect you to ruin whatever friendships you have left with your male “buddies” to incessantly promote feminist dogma and police their language. I want you to be a mindless slave even when you’re hanging out with the guys.
They might call you a “white knight” or a “cuck,” but don’t worry – the slings and arrows you gladly take for the feminist cause will be worth it because my happiness matters more than yours. No, I’ll never sleep with you. Haven’t we gone over this?
5. Use your privilege for the right cause.Lvnl / Getty Images
Unfortunately, every time a woman points out a sexist attitude (like the fact that your mom is always the one in charge of preparing everything for a family meal), she’s considered to be exaggerating (what are you saying, woman!) or even rude (you’re so rigid!). What if you used your privilege for something more positive, like pointing out these sexist attitudes to other men and getting on the side of the woman?
Translation: Tell every man you meet that he is an evil sexist pig who is suppressing rape urges on a daily basis. I want your life to revolve around my feelings.
6. Stop judging women.Polar_lights / Getty Images
Every time you have a strong opinion about a woman, check it by asking yourself if the opinion is rooted in sexist ideas that have been perpetuated throughout your education. In general, don’t comment on her appearance, even if you think it’s a good comment: women suffer an incredible amount of social pressure about our bodies. When we, women, deviate from the mold that society determines, we tend to receive harsh criticism: if a woman doesn’t want to have children, she’s selfish and has no soul; if she wants a relationship, she’s old fashioned, but if she wants the opposite, she’s a slut. Do not perpetuate this system.
Translation: Women can do no wrong, we are perfect angels of virtue who should never be subjected to your judgement for any reason whatsoever. If I want to neglect my body and gain 100 pounds, you call me beautiful.
If I want to forgo marriage and children to sleep with anything that moves until I’m 40, lonely and living in an apartment full of cats, you keep your mouth shut and compliment my independence. I am perfect, do you understand? P.E.R.F.E.C.T.
7. Whenever a woman expresses an opinion that makes you feel uncomfortable, try to understand why it makes you feel that way instead of getting all defensive or belittling her.Irina Griskova / Getty Images
We all have sexist attitudes. They’re just a product of the education that we’ve received and the societies within which we grew up. Checking oneself for these attitudes is a constant task within feminism, but hey, maybe if you’re finding it challenging or difficult, it’s because you’re learning.
Translation: It is sexist for you to disagree with me about anything. I am always right, get that through your stupid misogynistic skull. I’ll explain this so even you can understand, okay?
ME = VICTIM. YOU = OPPRESSOR.
Therefore, you are forbidden from expressing a contrarian viewpoint. I can read your thoughts too, so don’t even bother trying to keep any of your feelings hidden.
8. Don’t undervalue women’s problems or say that we’re exaggerating.Jozefmicic / Getty Images
No matter how hard you try to put yourself in our place, you’ll never be able to experience what women experience on a daily basis. For that reason, don’t belittle our problems: if a woman complains to you about the problem of street harassment, don’t say “it’s a compliment.” To you, these issues are the exception, but to us, they’re the norm.
Translation: You don’t know the oppression I go through on a daily basis. Men have the audacity to compliment me on my way to work. THEY COMPLIMENT ME! Can you believe that? I am a victim. I’ll say it again, I. AM. A. VICTIM. ME = VICTIM. I DEMAND EMPATHY.
You don’t have to deal with the emotional distress of being *COMPLIMENTED* on a sidewalk. I think I might have PTSD.
9. Care for your masculinity and the issues caused by the toxic societal model of masculinity.Serazetdinov / Getty Images
Look, just between us, I’m not into feminism so that men can “feel free to cry” or “talk about their feelings.” To clarify, I think it sucks that we live under a system that forces men to be strong, manly, and powerful, and that tells us that a sensitive man is weak… but, honestly, I’m more worried about femicides, sexist violence, rapes, the salary gap, abortion, problems caused by the contraceptive pill, work harassment, and having to constantly look behind my back when I walk home in the dark late at night.
It’s up to you, as men, to break down the stereotypes that society has imposed upon your masculinity. It’s not my job, it’s yours. Enjoy.
Translation: I don’t care about your stupid problems. This is about me. Got it? ME! You are my doormat. I keep you around to make you think I might be romantically interested, meanwhile I’m out sleeping with the alpha male I pretend to hate while you take care of my cats alone in my apartment.
Furthermore, your masculinity is inherently evil and it’s your job to recognize that. Enjoy.
10. Yield your space and understand that you’re not the center of the universe.Jjpan / Getty Images
We, women, are heard less than men. Unless we become a “desired object,” we also tend to become invisible. Feminism seeks equality because we live in an unequal society. I’m sorry to tell you this if you haven’t realized, but in order to reach a true, egalitarian society, a determined group needs to lose power so that another group gains it. It’s simple, but it’s the most difficult thing. Nobody likes to lose their privilege.
That’s why you have to yield your space and respect women’s space.
Translation: You are not the center of the universe, I am. I demand you to worship the ground I walk on and admit you are born with an unfair advantage gifted to you by evil white, male, patriarchal overlords.
I might use my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts primarily to post half-naked photos of myself for attention whoring purposes, but I am NOT an object. I am being silenced by Western society. How many times do I have to remind you that I’m the victim here?
11. And remember: your feminist friend isn’t Google.Frdmn / Getty Images
There’s a common practice in the Wonderful World of the New Ally, which is to constantly support your feminist friend by talking with them about feminist subjects. It’s an interesting topic of conversation, don’t get me wrong, and seeing you take an interest in feminism is great. But seriously, if you don’t understand why it’s not called “egalitarianism,” go to Google. If you want to understand feminist waves, go to Google. If you don’t understand why a compliment can be considered offensive, you can also search it on Google. Seriously, constantly asking a feminist woman all your many questions about feminism is a bit like the new “iron my shirt, I’m feeling lazy.”
Thanks and have a nice trip.
Translation: Even if you purportedly care about feminism, even if you agree with everything I say, even if you admit you’re inherently evil and sexist, even if you’ve devoted your entire life to obediently following the feminist manifesto, even if you’ve sold your soul to Cultural Marxism, that’s not enough.
Don’t ask me questions. Don’t talk to me unless I give you permission to speak. The truth is, I don’t care what you think. I want you to be nothing more than a mindless slave without an original thought. Although, secretly, I want you to stand up for yourself and show me that you’re a real, masculine man. As it stands, you are inferior, you are worthless.